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Foundational Health

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Newness [May. 31st, 2004|09:23 am]
Foundational Health
Hello, I'm new to this topic of discussion, but I'd like to learn more, thats why we're here. I'll ask questions later. A lot of question.

My Half Baked,But not Deep Fried,Modest Proposal

It has been brought to my attention that Americans on the whole have been gaining unhealthy weight, suffering from more cardiovascular problems, and lack of exercise. In a few years, this trend will be more than an inconvenience to the nation, but a fatal disease that sweeps through the nation, impairing the healthcare system and indirectly affecting other aspects of American Society. The cause of the rising number of unhealthy Americans is directly proportional to the amount of cheap, sugary greasy food found everywhere. This immediate problem deserves an immediate solution: Food poisoning.

Carefully planned, the epidemic must be unknown to the public. Several years preceding the outbreak, health and animal rights activists will be given increased funding,, so the people will know who to turn to when their cheesy puffs and hamburgers can no longer be trusted. The primary targets, aside from the obvious fast food chains, will be the cheap chips, cookies, and pastries, found at every supermarket and gas station. Healthy foods will quickly lower in price, and take the place of the molded fat we eat today, the thousands of concerned parents will make sure of it, and in less than five years, Americans will be eating right.

The only objection that comes to mind is that by poisoning the food, people will become ill, and several will perish. This objection has a hole that a cow could fall though: by eating the food, the population is slowly poisoning itself, food poisoning will serve as a wakeup call, and the few that might die had weak systems and would have died miserably anyway.

Critics may call my plan nauseating and brutal, and insist that that if the people wanted to eat healthy food, they would buy it. To This statement, I answer that the majority of the population does not think twice about eating the slow poisons they call the "Whopper" the "Oreo" and the "Pepsi One", and indirectly forced to buy them because they are cheap, big, and everywhere. Once these products become immediately poisonous, supply and demand will drive junk food companies to produce healthier alternatives. If my modest proposal for a healthier America is put into effect, the minority who will not check their food for dysentery causing added sugars and saturated fats will be sitting down to eat at the local fast food joint, to a meal of lean meat, fruits, vegetables and whole wheat bread.

My proposal will take away a lifetime of health problems, save the growing generations from unhealthy obesity, and promote awareness. The public, in its vain attempt to find the root of the food poison, will call for vast reforms, making the dirty under regulated slaughterhouse a thing of the past, and inadvertently expose and reform other hidden problems that would otherwise have gone unmentioned.

Obviously, the general population cannot take good care of themselves, buying healthy food is inconvenient and more expensive, and because of this generations are growing up obese. Carefully poisoning the junk food supply will force the general population to eat correctly, or die.